dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
