Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
