Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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