Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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