I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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