Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
