I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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