brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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