i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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