Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
