This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
