Having a random hookup so left but love u
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
