I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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