New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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