Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
