Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
