so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
