The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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