They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
