you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
