just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
