I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
