So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
