i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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