I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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