She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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