i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
