dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
