saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
