Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
