can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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