Betty ford says i'm here all night
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
