he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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