Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
