so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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