so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
