If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
