i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
of course. lets lasso hookers.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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