I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
