I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
