I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
