she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
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Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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