A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
