he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
