Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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