I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
