the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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