I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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