Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
it's like heaven, but drunker
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
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Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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