I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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