Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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