Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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