APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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