i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
