giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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