I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
