She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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