Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
