Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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