It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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