We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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