I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
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And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
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"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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