I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
