Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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