I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
that may or may not have been my penis.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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