Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
